We made it...

Sigh

Well I was hoping by now that I would have some news or a baby. Actually I was hoping for a baby. Funny thing is, she has decided not to arrive. It is 3am this fine Monday morning and I am unable to sleep. Some of the stresses that are presenting themselves are getting to me and I am having a hard time sorting out my feelings and convictions. Without getting into too much of a political post, lets just say from the start that there is good reason to not be induced. There are good reasons to be induced or to have an elective c-section, but if all is going well with your child and your own health, then there is minimal risk of complications and it is safe to allow your baby to chose when to arrive.

That being said, having the timing be so off has managed to cost our family 2 months of rent from D's canceled work. It has managed to leave D no time to be at home alone with the baby before my parents arrive next week. These things weigh on us and are hard to let go of. The longer it takes the more these stresses override the excitement and that is what has me up at 3am. I am getting worn out in the shuffle of it all. So that is where we are. 41 weeks and 6 days.

My own birthday is on Wednesday, I wonder if she is waiting to share it with me.

The waiting game

I am only three days overdue. It feels like weeks. More because of what the three days has entailed. After a night of fake contractions, I felt just a little bit of movement from our girl. So, as the midwives here always say, better safe than sorry and I got checked out. The baby was fine. The next day at my regular check up I talked about some fluid leaking. The thing is, and they don’t always talk about this in pregnancy conversations, you produce lots more of your own fluids near the end of pregnancy. Top that off with occasional “baby-on-the-bladder” incontinence, and you have the potential to have a moist crotch for most of the day. That or all the fluids could be a slow leak in your amniotic fluid. Which is what was suspected of me. Which is why I spent the last two days in the hospital going through some pretty seriously invasive exams. Now I am back home and those three days feel like years and I am wondering when this little girl is going to arrive. She is getting much bigger now… just over 9 pounds.

My energy is so low. I nap for hours during the day and feel like everything is an effort. I know these are signs that the time is near. I feel nauseous, my hips ache, my hands and feet are swollen to the point where they are getting hard to move. All these are anatomical gifts from the universe to make it so I want the pain of childbirth, just to get it over with. I appreciate them. I have been waiting for them. They are working.