The weeks are counting down. Time has a funny way of playing with you depending on what you want. There is a mixture of fear and anticipation melting in the furnace of my heart. So many things to consider. My daughter seems to like laying on her side. So what? It isn’t the end of the world, but it could go something like this:
• In two weeks I go for another scan.
• If she is still transverse I am to be admitted to the hospital.
• I stay there for the remainder of my pregnancy.
• I will have a pretty high chance of needing a c-section.
• My husband is going away on a tour 3 weeks after I am due and will be gone for almost 3 months.
Now, all of this still has a chance to change. I spend the bulk of my energy each day trying to support our little rebel into a better position. Pelvic tilts, yoga, swimming, headstands in the pool etc. I have even shone a light on the underside of my belly. She doesn’t really react. I wouldn’t be in too much of a whirlwind about this except that I read this situation is very rare after 32 weeks for a first pregnancy. I am at 35. I also read that the womb that should be squeezing and shifting her upright, will now be adjusting to her will and accommodating horizontal baby instead. I am adapting to her. Parenthood.
In totality, it isn’t the end of the world. I could have my c-section, D will go away, and I will recover on my own with a little one to love at the same time. It will be fine which ever way it goes. I need to keep reminding myself of this as I pull further away from a birthing ideal I have created in my mind. I need to remind my self of this when I start getting mad at my little one for being stubborn. I need to remind myself of this when I am feeling as low as I have been, because if there is anything I think I am good at, it is adaptation. What I seem to have a hard time with is having faith that the situation will change. That she will turn. Because she may. It is really likely, in fact. When she is ready. I am not in control. This is parenthood.
7 comments:
Do you have family in the area? Any help at all lined up? You won't believe how much help you need with your first especially, Cesarean or no.
Things will go well. And you already know about your reserves of internal strength and ability to flow and adapt. But I do hope you've got abundant help around.
My midwife taught me to pray, "Thank you for the help that is on it's way," even when none seems to evident. I still forget about it sometimes, but it's a great help when I remember.
And my birth educator taught me a chant: my baby grows and knows how to be. my body grows and knows how to be.
What an exciting time! And to be the first to greet this new being!
No, no family. Everyone is in Canada. Perhaps my sister in law will help, but I think she will be away. I have my parents here for a week.. the first week D is away. In fact, we are pretty isolated all together. Ah well, what can you do?
I like your chant. That sort of affirmation helps out a lot I think.
Wonder if you could convince your mum to stay on longer....!
I second Sarajoy's thoughts. I know you're a tough chick and will get thru those 3 months ok, but, wow, maybe even lining up a babysitter-type person to come in 1 or 2 days a week would be a BIG help! Or seek out some mums in the area?
Darlin' wish I could fly there!
xoxo
I was just checking in after a long absence. I hope things work our and she turns for you so things work out the best. Take care.
Any update?
We will know on Tuesday.
Ah yes, so many people I know have had the "ideal" birth placed firmly into their mind only to have to go the Cesarean route - and I say this from experience. I tried many things with Moira but she was just stuck and we dealt with it. I will say though that I needed a lot of help the first couple weeks because I couldn't drive for a month. Things always seem to have a way of working out but I would find a support network if you can so you aren't so isolated when your Mum & D are gone.
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