What happens, though, when reading these forums, is that I almost want to shake these women into seeing the shit they write about themselves. I am not used to being around women who don't think about their self image in relationship to what they are taught to think. I don't really know how to deal with complete self loathing AND the ultimate fear of fat.
There is a woman whose partner said that he expected her to be her pre-baby weight within 4 weeks of giving birth. She is on a diet so she doesn't gain much weight during her pregnancy. It isn't like she is dumb, or infantile, she is a professional woman who is chosing to ignore statistics about her own health and that of her child.
Another woman talked about how she was shopping at the Gap and how an assistant, when told the woman was pregnant, said: Oh, I just thought you were fat. The comments to this woman's post were irate. All these pregnant women coming together to rally behind the offended. "You aren't fat" "I would have punched her in the face" "what a cow" "She's just jealous" "Was she fat?" "You can lose weight, she will always be a ____"
To which I wrote this:
You know, as someone who is actually fat, what I find insulting is that even if you were fat, it is not her job to judge you. It is her job to help you. I think this is a really awesome time in our pregnancy, before we really show but as our bodies change, to evaluate our femininity and roundness. We are supposed to be round now. I keep reading women in a panic about looking like "a fat cow" and the like. Well, I can tell you, from a fat cow's perspective, that ignorance is it's own penalty and people who judge (like that woman in the shop) will get theirs. It is a time, like we have on this forum, to rally as women not put women down.
Find your sexiness. We are the fricken bringers of life. We are goddesses. We are creating a new person. We hold the power, because without us, the population can't survive. That is heavy shit.
We are way above infantile humiliations.
Somehow I don't think it will make a difference.
5 comments:
Missy loved it until it got uncomfortable at the very end.
There are pregnant women within my extended family whom I overheard lately talk about pants that will suck back in their expanding bellies and I thought, why? Why not be proud of the fact that you're pregnant?
Missy took photos from the side of her belly every week.
Sure, there's discomfort due to swelling and other strange things going on, but it's all because there's a lovely little miracle growing inside.
As a followup to this post. No one acknowledged it at all.
OB:
I agree with you totally. I think it is hard to get used to changes that are happening, as it does feel like you have someone elses body but it is for a good reason, I don't see the benefit in self hate.
Awesome, LQ! My relationship with my body completely changed after giving birth. No longer were my knees chubby, my breasts too small, my butt too high. No, after giving birth, I finally understood my body as the goddess it was, fully functioning, fully living, full of good good things, a full on miracle.
"We are the fricken bringers of life."
I'll be using this one in future in case anyone tries to give me any lip.
Love it!
Thanks Sarajoy!
I am going to write a post out of the comment I was going to leave in response to your comment.
Lana,
I realized that this was my motto after I wrote it. I got into the groove of pregnancy... finally! All it took is a gap employee and a forum writer who would rather hate her self than accept where she is to get me to be where I am. Funny that.
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