Protesters watch out...

As I sit here eating my granola breakfast, I snoop past my own screen to my husbands. It, as per ritual, is going through the high tech gadgetry and alternative news sites that I am used to seeing every day while I flick through my blog list. Every now and then something catches me, though. Today it was this:

http://www.boingboing.net/2008/08/30/report-massive-warra.html

Ever so slowly the police state is growing more confident at what they can get away with.

domestic POV

Tonight I watched D mow the lawn while I planted golden thyme, spicy hot oregano and parsley in my herb garden. I cut trimmings from each and made bangers with new potatoes and corn on the cob for dinner. The cool fall air permeates the house. There is much to learn about this area, and soon enough I will be on my own to do so. I wonder what it will be like to be here without D. If the sounds at night will frighten me. The blackness of the bedroom, without any light pollution, could be comfort or isolating. The house, with its endless boxes to still be unpacked, will eventually be empty. It is all promising. It is all riding the cusp. I am allowing my life to tell me what mood to be in instead of making the decision to enjoy it on its own. It is something I dislike about myself. It is something I am good at.

Newness

The fireplace and its half burnt logs. The sound of the keyboard clicking. The newness of it all is overwhelming. I feel like I am in a different country. A new land whose language I am just learning. The language of moving with a partner. In a pile of new things we have done this year, it is hard to imagine being able to just relax in each other’s company. Not that we will have much time for that. D leaves for 3 months (with a few one day returns) on Saturday. Then I will be out here alone. It is a mixture of emotions that I am trying not to deal with. Instead, I think of the herbs that I am going to put into the ground tomorrow. The birds that wake us up in the morning. The toilet that flushes by pulling a chain above your head.

Two more days!

We are at the stage of packing that you can’t quite tell if you are almost packed, or really not packed at all. Do we need more boxes? It isn’t an exciting time, really, I am getting bored of putting things away. I am ready to unload, expand. Two more sleeps, two more sleeps, two more sleeps…..

I am sitting on my couch. The one that faces the windows that look out to sea. The sky is grey and the clouds reach the horizon. Below- a dark blue water. A speck of white is silhouetted against the coldness of the elements. A boat, far in the distance. Almost to far to see. I look out at it. It looks back at me. Change is coming. Soon there won’t be any boats to look at. Soon there will be soil to sink fingers into.

I am excited by the change. I am also scarred. Scarred I won’t live up to my dreams of having the space I want. It overwhelms me. I look up from the computer. The boat is gone behind a peace lily leaf that reaches to the light of the window. If I move I can see the sail. Even further now.

Now if I move I don’t see it at all.

The sun just broke through the clouds and the sea is now a myriad of colors.

Pride in the Park

The mad rush of Pride has come and gone, at least in our household. Both D and I worked at a stall hosted by the shop I work for a few days of the week. My section was harnesses, or strap-ons as some people know them. I have never in my life seen as many beautiful cropped haired women. I also have never sold that many harnesses in a day before! There are some happier couples in the area, that is for sure. One of the things I love about Pride, is the inclusiveness that surrounds everyone. It is like sexuality Christmas. A time when everyone is glowing with the freedom of openness. What you are in to may not be what I am into, but it is awesome that we can both be free to be into the stuff we are! It was fun to sell at that level. It was fun to talk about sex for 11 hours. The most fun was being able to be part of others sexual experience without actually being part of it.